Foster Care Part 2 *trigger warning*

Posted on April 30, 2025 by societyshiddensecret

Foster family number 3

In 1991, I was placed with a black family who were personal friends with placement number 2. The new family lived in the same area, a few streets away from foster family number 2. Within four weeks the foster placement demanded they move me. Because she (the foster mother) is personal friends with placement number 2, and doesn’t want me in her house. Before she demanded they move me from her house. She bullied me, and called me names, with sexual innuendo’s about my character, and the lodger who molested me. I spent days crying on the floor in this placement, and I was completely shut down, and ignored.

I was 11 years old, and I was glad to leave this placement. They were a toxic family, who did not even so much as question whether I was molested. They just further abused me, and enjoyed mistreating me, as they felt I deserved it for the lodger incident. I did not want to go to a foster home after the emotional abuse and neglect, and blame. I became afraid of foster families, my existence was confusing and emotionally draining. I was shut down, afraid, confused and traumatized into submission and silence. I was being sexually abused by different people, while simultaneously being blamed and emotionally abused by foster parents.

Family number 3 received financial reward for their burden of boarding at their property. I was just a cash cow for a family who openly mistreated me, and felt right in doing so. Disclosing in placement 2 was detrimental to my well-being, safety and subsequent care.

Foster placement number 4

After placement number 3, I was placed in a local authority children’s home. The home was a mixed home for boys and girls, whom were mainly teenagers. Except one other boy and I who was younger than me, by two to three years. When I arrived I had to share a room with another girl, who was older than me by three years. Through sharing a room I was exposed to sexual relations between residents, pregnancy’s that were terminated, and sexual assault.

The father of the baby was a sexual deviant type teenager in my opinion. Unlike normal teens, he was sexually assaulting girls he had access too. Most of the girls he had access to were girls within the foster care system. He targeted me before school one morning, after staff woke me up to get ready for school. He stalked me to the bathroom unbeknownst to me, and busted in when I was undressed. He taunted me and bullied me before and after assaulting me.

I also saw the same teen force himself into another girls room, she fought hard to keep him out. I was so scared it would be me again, I closed my bedroom door, and held it shut. I sat their crying not knowing what to do to help her. Last I saw, she was fighting to try and hold her door closed enough so he couldn’t get in. I watched her complain to staff he was forcing himself on her. She used the word force, yet the staff told her not to lead him on, she absolutely was not. He was a strong teenage bully, and also sexually deviant in my opinion.

Staff were told about his assault on me also, but did not take any action again. Directly because there was an assumption by staff, that I understood what consent meant. I was under the legal age of consent, and did not understand the concept of consent in any way. I just thought sexual abuse was normal, because no one did anything about it. I had no clear understanding of the difference between consensual abuse, and force. In my little life experience, they both meant the same thing by definition to me. Despite not understanding the concept, I understood that I was harmed, and I wanted to escape. I didn’t feel safe at the children’s home, after being assaulted by an older peer.

When another girl moved into the children’s home, at a later date. I went out with her to escape the environment, and abusers taunts. One day while I was out with her, I stayed with her at her boyfriends shared house. It was late and I fell asleep, while waiting for her to come back from his bedroom. I woke up to some guy who sexually assaulted me. I was too scared to tell any adult at age 12 after such a toxic life, and lack of support. I told the girl who was 15 years old, but no one else. She wanted to report it as a crime, but from my prior experience I felt I would be blamed. Especially as this time, I was out without permission all night with her. This sexual assault went unnoticed, and I do not know if the girl told anyone else. If she did no one said nothing to me at the time, or within the 2020 statutory report.

After the second assault while living in this placement by two people within and outside the home. I ended up having an emotional breakdown, from the toxic environment and harm, and was sent to another children’s home. But this children’s home, was not an ordinary children’s home. It was a home for mostly criminal children, some of which were on remand for crimes. I had committed no crime. My behavioral outbursts related to trauma, were used as a reason. I was still 12 years old, and I was placed with teenage criminals, in another teenage environment. The differences this time were, the teenagers took drugs, did vehicle and petty crimes, and were arrested a lot.

Foster placement number 5

Placement number 5 was a notorious children home in 2a Newton Road, Cadbury Heath. Which had a bad reputation and was known in the local news. Living in placement number 5 was hard, as I was surrounded by criminal street type children. I had no street knowledge at all, and did not understand crime or the concept of the criminal system. I was in survival mode. Abuse, neglect and a persistent lack of emotional support made it impossible at this stage to thrive.

This children’s placement was on a huge complex with a male and female wing. Each environment I was moved to, I was expected to fit in with the children already placed there. I feel like this placement was punishment, as my social worker acknowledges in records I was finding it hard. Why would they keep me there to be physically assaulted?

The day comprised of children going out committing crime, and smoking and take drugs. I saw teens taking cocaine, along with cannabis regularly. The teens gave me cannabis, despite me being 11 years old. I assume they did not give me cocaine because they were addicts, and needed their fix. I saw robberies, and was arrested for the first time in this placement. After I was taken in a stolen a car one day, by two older girls from the home. I did not get charged at the time, though I was arrested and kept in a cell for a while.

I wasn’t sexually assaulted within placement number 5. There was neglect, bullying, neglect, physical, and emotional abuse within this placement. I was being exposed to things and criminals minds I should not have been exposed to. I was not a criminal, and did not wake up thinking about committing crime. I was bullied and stripped naked for not having the same criminal violent mindset. I just couldn’t watch a robbery and not cry and have a meltdown. I was sent out with criminal teenagers on remand, to the wolves. Placing me here was a failure. I should have been placed within a specialist mental health trauma place for children. Where I would have had opportunity to heal and thrive in childhood. Instead to tackle my trauma, the decision was made to place me within an environments that made me a target.

I was also at this point illegally taken out of school, while being given no specialist therapy for obvious trauma. Staff did not have much control, and the children’s home was a dumping ground, in my opinion. Where children were not meant to flourish or thrive, but just exist and make it to adulthood. If they made it to adulthood, they were discharged from care, and no longer social cares problem.

Abolition of Newton Rd

The home at newton rd. was abolished like so many notorious ones do in around 2018, with new buildings being established in 2019. Part of me feels like destroying the children’s homes, also destroyed evidence forever. It really is hard to process it any other way, when justice and evidence walk hand in hand. Often abuse becomes historic before it comes to light, and children just cant be pro-active in their own protection. I think in terms of children’s homes and mitigating destroying evidence. I suggest take images of the homes, both outside and inside, and label it correctly. Its a way to actively protect and help children who are unfortunate to be abused whilst in state care.

What do you think would pro actively help mitigate destroying possible evidence, when destroying children’s homes?

Do you think taking images of the outside and inside of children’s homes, before destroying them should be made mandatory? Taking images would mean readily available evidence for legal teams and investigators. What issues do you think would arise from making this a mandatory action?

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Foster Care *Trigger Warning*

Posted on March 31, 2025 by societyshiddensecret

I was born in Bristol City, England UK in 1979, after my parents relocated to Bristol in the early 1970s. Most of my childhood was spent growing up during the 1980s and 90s. Bristol has a rich complex history, and is one of the old triangular trade ports within the UK. There was a history or racial tensions, and resistance within Bristol, when it was becoming more diverse. In April 1980s there was the Saint Paul’s riots and unrest, after police raided a cafe. It took place within a largely Caribbean community, due to racism, isolation and poverty and the aggressive raid.

In around 1987 aged around 8 years old, I was placed on a care order under Bristol City Councils care. At the time Bristol City made up one part of Avon County, before becoming standalone on the 1st April 1996. Before the 1987 care order, I went into care on a temporary basis on occasions, a couple of times.

Foster Placement One

My first long-term foster placement was in an area called Seamills, in Bristol. It was a posh road, with people who owned their own homes. The foster parents were well meaning, but had innate racial biases, and were at times abusive. The good part was the outdoor activities and holidays which were paid for by social care. This was good because I experienced things, and because they didn’t keep the money for themselves. The bad parts were being hit, my hair ripped out, shouted at, and being punished for not eating unfamiliar food. Punishment also involved being forced to sleep on the stone tiled floor, within their kitchen.

The school I attended at the time was a predominantly white school, with no teachers of colour. I was one of the two children of colour. During the 80s the area had rooted issues with racism towards people from other cultures. People within the area normalized the use of N word to describe individuals with black heritage. It became the norm to be racially abused, and called names like w*g, c**n. Which I did not really understand deeply, at age eight years old. I just knew I was being teased, and isolated.

One day while at my church of England Primary School, in Stoke Bishop. My teacher showed me a photograph from one of those instant cameras from the 80s. With me and around six or more other girls, all lined up doing handstands with our underwear showing. He had a big grin on his face. I believe this was the start of his targeted grooming, and seeing if I would tell anyone. After the photo incident, he gave me a teddy bear in front of the all the children in class. He made me feel like I was not invisible, that I was liked as a person. Something I was deprived of as a child in foster care at the time. I have no idea why I was alone with him in class. But when I displayed fear and started backing away. He soothed me with his apologies, and he said “I will burn the picture”. Being too young to see the red flag I was happy with his apology and burning of the picture. I believed and trusted him at eight years old.

The teacher groomed my trust, to get me comfortable in the classroom with him alone. I did not know that what he was doing was criminal, and voyeurism at the time. His grooming led up to an incident of sexual assault in a school cupboard, where he left me. The teacher who assaulted me left DNA behind, but my young mind processed it as I wet myself. I was found sleeping by another teacher searching the school grounds for me. I was scolded by the teacher who found me for being ‘missing’. I was never asked why I was missing, or if anyone else was involved. I felt sad and fearful, sitting with the other children afterwards, in the dinner hall. It was my first sexual assault in foster care, and I had no one to turn to. I feel like the teacher planned it all, targeting me because I was in foster care, and a easy target. I also do not feel like I was his only victim. He was to confidence in abusing in a school environment, where other adults were around in abundance.

I was eventually moved from this home, because social services didn’t like the racial bias, I was being exposed to. And because the foster parents told me it would get worse for me, if I continued to tell about racism. They felt moving me was the only choice, because they did not like I no longer spoke to them.

Foster Family Two

Like foster family one, foster family two owned their own home in a nice area. They were a racially blended couple, whom provided me with some stability and routine. I went to a new school which was slightly more blended in terms of children who attended. I made a few new friends. My new foster parents did not do activities, but took they did take me on a holiday with them. The foster mother also taught me to cook a few things, skills I still use in today’s times.

I did not experience any CSA within this placement. I was though emotionally neglected, character assassinated, and made into the problem. By made into the problem, I mean the new foster mother suspected I had been sexually abused within weeks. She informed social care teams, and social care told her take me to the doctors. Doctors recorded unexplained unnatural scratches down there, and requested that it should be explored. By explored the doctor meant, that the suspected sexual abuse should be investigated further. It was not followed up, explored, investigated or nothing. Instead it was hoped it would all I guess go away at the time. Maybe it would have been repressed, if I was not targeted repetitively by child predators. Also there is no medical science that says that repressed memories stay repressed. So the go away, was in the immediate sense of consequences at the time, not of future and of well-being.

At around aged 9 or 10 years old, my long-term foster parents had a family funeral to plan abroad. as a result I was sent to temporary foster parents, to stay for the duration of the funeral. While at the temporary foster placement, I was sexually assaulted by a lodger, who rented one of the spare rooms. I told the temporary foster parent he came into my room last night, at breakfast before school. He told her he was turning my light off, and even though I said he did not.. No one listened to me, and no one spoke to me about my complaint again. This temporary foster parent told my long term foster parent, that she didn’t believe me. My long-term foster parent, did not speak to me, believing the lodger, and career. She told social care team about my allegations, and that I might tell lies on grown men. I felt blamed and let down by those responsible, whom also character assassinated me.

I was also let down by social care teams who did not investigate further, when I disclosed to them directly. About not liking him the lodger touching me down there, when I was picked by a social worker. She told the manager at the time, who told her to tell me nothing will done about it. I was then treated poorly by my long-term foster parents, who were suspicious and paranoid. This led to the breakdown in the placement and I was basically not wanted by the foster parents. Who also was given another foster child, shortly before I was moved by my social care teams. I was living with trauma, and confusion about what happened to me. I did not feel safe. No one spoke to me about their suspicions, or about my rights as an individual.

I was essentially left to think sexual abuse was a normal part of growing up, and childhood. I thought something was wrong with me not liking the abuse, at the time. It really affected my understanding of the world, and the people within it. I started displaying behavior that children who are sexually abused do, but it was used to attack my character. The suspected sexual abuse was not reported to police or bodies qualified to investigate. Had social care teams investigated further. They would have linked the other children’s complaint of being scared of a male at nighttime, coming in their room. The same room all foster children were made to sleep in, including me. I was offered no support at all at the time, and i doubt the other children were given support either.

Statutory Investigation report 2020

In 2020 a report uncovered that I was not the only or first child, who complained about abuse. In fact multiple children had complained about a man in their room at night. To me red flags were there, because all the complaints were about a male at night, alongside fear and crying. The foster parent didn’t question why her lodger kept going in the foster children’s rooms at the time. The temporary foster parent spread her denials to third parties. Which created pathways of slander, neglect, and unfair treatment, instead of well-being. Towards the children whom did try and speak out about the abuse happening within placements. It was a form of psychological abuse, and gas-lighting. It is unforgivable that there was ample opportunity at the time, to stop the abuser before he abused again. I was called a liar to silence me at the time, along with other children before me. So that those whom were making money through their employment, had opportunity to continue to do so.

If at the time the right policies had been followed, jobs would have been on the line. I am certain at least a a few professionals if not more, thought about financial and employment consequences. Foster children can and do become cash cows, within these types of environments. The lodger (her friend) went back to his home country. He did not face charges for his crimes against children, neither any consequences for his actions at all. I believe he molested more than the three children. This was a temporary foster placement, where children rotated in and out, whom were disbelieved. It was in my opinion it was a perfect place to continue to target children, unchallenged and unchecked. According to the 2020 report, an effort to check his criminal background was undertaken on the day I left. Social care teams did not know of his existence until I informed them, when I left when I reported abuse. Police expressed that he had there was no evidence of any DBS checks on the lodger. Yet social services took the foster mothers word, that it had been done at the time. This was a huge and dangerous assumption to make, not just convenient for allegation rebuttals, and failures.

There is in my opinion no other reason not to pursue an allegation, or multiple allegations of child abuse. Other than you were protecting something, and when you weigh up what social care is, does and receives. There are only certain reasons someone would not report abuse. That happens within a place which is supposed to combat abuse! And apparently no one knows nothing, but everyone is a paid professional? It really is absurd when you think about it, an institution full of professional’s. I still find it hard to wrap my head around that part, professionals are supposed to do better than average.

Has any one else experienced abuse while living in foster care or in a children’s homes? Was it a one time experience, or do you feel like you were targeted while living within the government setup? Have you identified any patterns of practice that adds to the issues of abuse within foster care? What do you think needs to be done to bring improvements, when abuse does happen?

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Utilizing Recovered Memories

Posted on February 24, 2025 by societyshiddensecret

I thought I would post more about my experience of memory recovery, and how it worked for me.

First I will touch on the fact that repression of memories doesn’t happen on its own. It happens because care givers around you are neglectful, and often disclosures go ignored. Also being of younger age group can impact how you process information about in events of abuse. So these things among other things like immediate survival, often play there part. In creating an environment where repression is the most healthiest way to survive.

When I first started to recover memories, it was lots of still images, that did not make much sense. They made no sense because I had no memory of the events, but they were very real. The still images lasted for around 4 months for one event of abuse, and they were terrifyingly real. Eventually the images as if remembered snippet by snippet, played backwards, like a video in rewind. Once my mind processed the images, and it was put in order backwards, it played forward. I relived the event of abuse, to the point it felt like I was there in person. It was not nice at the time. But it needed to happen, and I gained a lot of evidence while reliving the memories. As information is vivid, and in a detail, unlike other memories. One in which you can almost look around in your memory, and collect information. Because even though a child when it happened, when in recovery, you have adult sense to help you.

Although one can forget the images, and memories of events. There are cues, and physical memories that cause impacts. For example, I was scared of the dark, and had trouble closing my eyes, even to wash my face. It felt like I needed to keep my eyes open to protect myself, while I was in the bath. Closing my eyes, my anxiety goes high very quickly. So I learned to wash my face with one eye partially open (hahaha), or wash it when I get out. It is still a work in progress, and I do not beat myself up for not feeling safe, when bathing. My logical mind knows nothing will happen, but my autopilot, and auto-memory has my last nerve not taking a chance. With the cue being the dark, and me being physically exposed, it triggers the autopilot memory. Often social cues at the time of events can have a forefront impact regardless of any memory repression. For me being abused in my bed at night, and waking up during the abuse. It did something to my senses in terms of closing my eyes, and it being dangerous to my immediate survival. Its ingrained within my autopilot memory.

In terms of your thinking mind, and processing that you are having recovered memories. For me I went through stages of shock, in that how does a person forget such horrific events. It took me a long time to wrap my head around it, and find words to explain it. Then seeking evidence, and feeling my trust for people plummet. I felt lied to about my reality, even though, it was not directly. I recovered memories mainly between 2006, and 2015. It covered a large part of my existence, and took up time I should have been spending of something else. Managing recovered memories, and the consequences that come with finding evidence, is exhausting, and detrimental to well-being. Once my memories were mostly retrieved, processed and analyzed. I felt more stabilized, and learned to trust myself and my own analysis of my experience first and foremost.

In thinking about recovered memories, and how there are stages of retrieval. I do think victims of CSA are let down, because crucial times that should be used to gather evidence. Is not really utilized, because there is a lack of structure to accommodate that in society. Partially because there was a long-term bias, towards the nature of recovered memories in itself. Limited work has been done in terms of how recovery can be utilized, to aid evidence collecting. Than retrieval of memories being seen as a potential flaw to the legal process, and weapon for the opposing team. I hope in the future things get better, and people start seeing the potential in the detailed memory retrieval provides. There are crucial windows being missed, and new infrastructure to accommodate these windows needs to made. Specialist therapists need to be available long-term, to record things as it happens.

What was your experience of recovering memory like? Were there any similarities to my own experience?

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CSA: From a legal perspective.

Posted on February 16, 2025 by societyshiddensecret

To be clear from the start. When looking at your experience from a legal perspective, the therapeutic side does not really come into it. Legal and therapy are too different entities that have too different jobs to do. In blunt terms legal cases can be brutal, and can take a long time to get anywhere if at all. I will discuss my experience below.

When I started to want a sense of justice and did not know what it looked like. I did not know I would need to actively seek out evidence. I did not know anything sexual offenses laws, or people who work in the field. But once I realized that my word without evidence meant my case would not stand a chance. I started to seek evidence, utilizing anything I felt would lead to evidence. I used old pictures to find old old schools, using the emblems on jumpers. I used google maps to find old placements where I was abused. I used online local websites where you can ask public questions to local authorities, and its a formal record. I used these to question who was responsible for abuse of children in the area i grew up. I used them to ask about missing children between dates.

I also put together a formal letter of complaint to the local authority Bristol City Council. It included all images of placements where I experienced harm, that I collected from google. Detailing my abuse, and how I felt they had let me down and failed my care. I asked for a statutory complaint, which got to stage 1, and they found in my favor. What that means is they found that although they did not collect evidence of my abuse, against guidelines. There was enough professionals and placements stating sexual abuse in records throughout a period of 5 years. And records of other children complaining of similar harm, and disclosures by me. Along with failure to follow up disclosures, and failure to follow up suspicions of sexual trauma and harm.

I disclosed three times to those looking after me, at different points while under age 18 years old. I complained to the foster parent, and I complained to my social worker, when aged around 10 year old. I later complained again directly to another social worker, and they still did nothing when aged 16/17 years old. Social care teams removed me from their care aged 18 years old, having sat on my abuse for 5 years. I was living in their care permanently from aged 8 to 18 years old. Before I turned 8 years old, I had lived in their care temporarily on and off.

So the evidence I was left with after going through long processes to seek justice in criminal court. Was no DNA evidence, as it was lost at the time, when no action was taken to investigate. I received an apology from the social care team who failed me. There was an admission that abuse happened, as stated by many professionals who saw abuse related trauma. The statutory report found that they failed in their duty to report to relevant bodies multiple times. They also did not maintain a record of my voice, or follow up the many suspicions of sexual abuse. There was no documentation of what actually happened to me at the time. So although they found evidence of neglect and professional reports of suspected harm, and failures. Because no one ever followed anything up there was no DNA evidence, or statements of my experience as a child. As would be expected. I gave everything to the police in 2020.

Police investigated twice after I complained directly to them in adulthood. In 2011, they did not take my allegations seriously, officers laughed during my interviews, and my case closed. Second time they gave me a choice of making a complaint, or them investigating my case properly. I chose the later. The second investigation was as thorough as it could be so many years later. And again my cases did not make it to court, due to lack of DNA & witness evidence/statements. I got to tell my experience, and the second time it was recorded properly by the police. I still get flash backs of the first interview though, when the police laughed within ear shot. Roared with laughter multiple officers loudly during my whole interview. On the interview tape, I even ask what the police are laughing at.. it was disturbing.

Needless to say with criminal court closed as an option. I moved onto civil court, and other options of recourse. Civil court, involves either paying large sums to a solicitor, or doing a no win no fee agreement, for remedy. It also involves a lower level of evidence to prove guilt to gain remedy. It is not that great of a secondary pathway, but is the only one we have generally in the UK. In the UK we also have CICA, which can be good, and bad depending on whether you use legal teams. If you use legal teams on a no win no fee basis, you pay out large sums, without proper justice.

Social care teams inefficiency to gather and record evidence, affected the outcome of my criminal cases. They decided multiple times not to report my abuse. There was no record of abuse in my files, yet multiple professionals caring for me, had spoken about sexual abuse. I suspected evidence would be removed from my records. So I requested that a list of names records, linked to me were searched too. Had I not done that, nothing would have been found within the statutory investigation. I disclosed directly multiple times, and i was not alone in complaining about the perpetrators. My experience when it comes to evidence, social care teams hold the power, and key. It is easy for them to write in children’s records that put them in a good light, and hide failures. No one is there to question the narrative, and the children are to vulnerable to question it themselves. That is why my voice in childhood was overlooked, ignored and omitted, no one really wanted the truth on record.

In my experience, the legal investigation side of fighting for justice from scratch, within the foster care system. Is zero to one in term of actually getting court justice, and actually heard by a court. Finding evidence to back your experience is hard, with many hindrances along the way. Those responsible do everything in their power to hide their failures. They drag things out, hide, deny and omit, in anyway they can, and refuse to take any legal accountability. Expect a fight. Because fighting for your rights is not just a saying, it actually is a matter of fact. It will not just fall in your lap, because no one will really cares about you, like you do. Create a support system for yourself, trusted people or organizations, and document everything! Set up therapy, ask them to document sessions, so you have a professional paper trail of your experience. Speak out about the injustices you faced in foster care, don’t let systemic failures, and bullying tactics silence you.

How were you treated by the police, and or social care teams. Was your voice heard? Did you get criminal justice? Was your abuse was covered up, by social teams responsible for your care? Feel free to comment.

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The Interrelation of CSA and Personal Circumstance.

Posted on February 2, 2025 by societyshiddensecret

Child sexual abuse affects every survivor differently — but the outcomes are not shaped by trauma alone. Class, race, gender, economics, and family systems interrelate with how survivors experience abuse, how they are responded to, and how they recover. Drawing from lived experience, this piece explores how social structures either hinder or empower survivors on their path to healing.

Section 1: Understanding Interrelation

Interrelation describes how a survivor’s experience of child sexual abuse (CSA) connects with their personal circumstances and background. These include class, race, sex, economic background, and family support systems. Each element interacts with one another — shaping not only the experience of abuse, but also how survivors are treated, supported, and believed.

Section 2: Economic Background and Access to Care

Survivors from wealthier backgrounds often have access to immediate and specialist mental health support. Financial stability opens doors to private therapy, rehabilitation, and trauma-informed care — without waiting lists.

By contrast, survivors from lower-income backgrounds face systemic barriers. NHS therapy services in the UK are limited, with waiting lists stretching months or years. Treatment is often short-term and unsuitable for complex trauma. This creates an unequal landscape where access to healing is determined by wealth, not need.

Section 3: Class and Social Perception

Class shapes how society perceives survivors. An affluent person entering rehab may be seen as proactive or strong, while a working-class person doing the same may be stigmatized.

Legal processes are also class-biased: wealthier survivors can afford private legal counsel, while those without resources must prove credibility before they are believed. They rely on overworked police systems, no-win-no-fee solicitors, and underfunded support services — often being dismissed or disbelieved.

Section 4: Race and Cultural Background

Race interrelates with both class and economic standing. Survivors from minority ethnic backgrounds frequently encounter bias and adultification. Such as being seen as less innocent, less credible, or less in need of protection.

Institutional responses often reflect systemic racism. Disclosures by Black or mixed-race children, for example, may be dismissed or under-recorded compared to those of white peers. This compounds trauma and silences survivors who are already marginalized.

Cultural norms also affect how abuse is defined and handled. Global differences — such as varying age of consent laws — show how society’s perception of childhood, adulthood, and agency changes across contexts.

Section 5: Sex Assigned at Birth and Gender Bias

Gender expectations profoundly shape how abuse is understood. Boys may be dismissed under “boys will be boys” attitudes, while girls face hyper-sexualization or victim-blaming. Society’s double standards mean that male victims struggle to be believed, and female victims are often shamed.

These gendered scripts reinforce silence — punishing those who break it.

Section 6: Family Systems and Support

Family structure is a critical factor in recovery. Survivors from stable, supportive families are more likely to receive consistent care, validation, and protection. They benefit from families who listen, advocate, and create safety.

Conversely, survivors from dysfunctional or neglectful families — where addiction, mental illness, or violence dominate — face additional trauma. Their feelings and experiences are often scapegoated, gaslit, or silenced. Without healthy attachment figures, recovery becomes a solitary struggle.

Section 7: My Personal Interrelations

In my own life, these interrelations were clear. I am mixed heritage — 47% white, 38% African and Caribbean, with traces of Indian, South American, and Chinese ancestry. I was biologically born female and live as a woman. These factors shaped how I was seen, and how my abuse disclosures were handled.

When I disclosed abuse as a child, Bristol City Council social workers claimed I “didn’t look abused.” They ignored and dismissed my words, while other children were taken seriously. The police laughed during one of my interviews. My background, appearance, and class all influenced the response I received — a clear example of institutional bias and systemic neglect.

I was trafficked at 13 years old, just weeks after my birthday. Evidence existed, but leads were shut down once they pointed to institutional failures. This pattern of concealment continued for decades.

Financially, being working-class limited my ability to access consistent therapy. NHS services were insufficient, and private therapy — at £115 per session — remains an ongoing burden. Healing should never depend on income, yet in the UK it often does.

Section 8: The Welfare System Barrier

Systems like the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) are not trauma-informed. Their assessments demand “evidence” of daily impairment — an impossible task for survivors without specialist therapy or documentation.

When I left care at 16, Bristol City Council failed to report my abuse to DWP. As a result, I was denied medical and financial support that should have been mine by right. Bureaucratic negligence became a second form of victimization — preventing recovery and accountability.

Section 9: The Bigger Picture

A survivor’s background — economic, racial, familial, or otherwise — profoundly impacts their healing journey. Access to justice, therapy, and dignity often depends on social status, not the severity of trauma.

Until systems acknowledge these interrelations, the cycle of inequality continues. Wealth, class, race, and gender should not determine who is believed, who is supported, who heals, and who is silenced.

Conclusion

To truly address child sexual abuse, we must look beyond individual cases — and into the systems that sustain silence. Healing should be a right, not a privilege. Equality in care, justice, and support is not only possible — it is necessary.

Reflection Prompt (for audience engagement):

How do you think personal circumstances — like class, race, or family — have influenced your experience or recovery? What systemic barriers have you faced in seeking help or justice?

Share your story below. Your voice matters.

Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery. Basic Books.

NSPCC (2023). Child Sexual Abuse: Statistics and Inequality in Access to Support.

Home Office (2022). Race Disparity Audit in Child Protection Systems.

Public Health England (2021). Socioeconomic Inequalities and Mental Health Outcomes.

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Are Recovered Memories Real?

Posted on January 9, 2025 by societyshiddensecret

What a title, and what a war recovered memories saga had on society, the courts and world. When I first learned about recovered memories, it was the only thing that explained what I had gone through. For me, every little bit of it was real. of course opposing sides, claim that recovered memories were flawed and not reliable. Also that recovered memories could be inaccurate, which meant that memories alone could not be relied upon in courts.

There has been extensive literature on recovered memories. A long debate existed about their validity and whether they can be accepted within a legal framework. One of my favorite scientists is Jennifer Freyd, who gave me will and motivation to finish my degree. Her work and theories on Institutional betrayal were helpful (Smith & Freyd 2014). They contributed to my own healing. They also assisted in my thinking and management of living with CSA. The concept of institutional betrayal was the only thing that explained the dynamic of experiencing CSA, while in protective custody. Without Freyds work. I would have less understanding of my circumstance, in a way where it makes sense to my lived experience. I highly recommend learning about Jennifer Freyd, and her work and journey.

All abuse is bad, but when an institution is involved it makes the experience have an added element of betrayal. As institutions are supposed to have the welfare of the people it serves at heart. So when an institution hides, minimizes, or otherwise doesn’t act. It can serve as message that they can’t be trusted to do the right thing, and take accountability. By not taking accountability survivors are left at the will of getting help anyway they can. Which can often lead to further exploitation by other bodies, who know survivors need help and want justice.

The institution that was responsible for my care, had 10 + people talking about CSA in my childhood. But not one of them reported it to the police once. The betrayal I felt was immense, and did last for a while. I still feel betrayal, but my initial shock and anger has subsided. Now I just want to expose the people, and do when i get the opportunity to do so. Why should they live a life, unquestioned like nothing happened. I disclosed to my social worker, who told the manager. The manger didn’t act, and didn’t follow guidelines. The manager who works for social services in Bristol today, is a liar. She covers up child sexual abuse of looked after children. She covered up my sexual abuse. But had the power to help dictate my statutory complaint in 2019/2020. Of course she found no wrongdoing in herself. She ensured that she didn’t follow routes that would expose her.

Smith, C. P., & Freyd, J. J. (2014). Institutional betrayal. American Psychologist, 69(6), 575–587. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0037564

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BOOK – Child Sexual Abuse in Protective Custody: From a Lived Perspective.

Posted on December 29, 2024 by societyshiddensecret

I am writing a book based on my own lived experience within the Bristol City Care system. It is a book broken down into subsections and parts. That include Life Circumstance, Police, Courts & Legislation, Mental Health & Well-Being, and Therapy. It is a presently a work in progress and I will update this page when it is ready for release. As it is based on my experience it wont be released until the legal side of my journey is finished. Which will be hopefully in the very near future.

The book discusses life circumstance, as this is distinct and different for all abuse survivors. In this section, I describe my own life circumstance. I provide details of my abuse, placements, and ages etc. I also talk about the type of support system, and economic background I was born into. How all of these things interrelate with each other to create a circumstance, that is often out of ones control.

The Police, Courts, & Legislation section discusses the Journey through reporting to the police, & getting to court or not. Where I talk about my own experience of interviews with police, and the outcomes of my cases. I also discuss legislation, when building cases involving abuse of children in foster care, and how this can impact outcomes.

I talk about the mental health impacts. I share my own personal experience of mental health triggers. How these affected me throughout different stages of my age, and age related understanding.

I also discuss how I gained access to therapy. As I struggled to gain access to specialist trauma therapy through the NHS services. Which made recovery harder, and longer than it already was, and also had financial significance.

Each section I chose are important aspects of experiencing and managing the reality of living with childhood sexual abuse. I also added some relevant literature on the topic on CSA, and the care of foster children. I wrote this book because I do not support the silencing of child abuse. I want to tell my story and raise awareness on what I know happens behind closed doors. I want to normalize speaking about trauma and abuse experiences. Victims of abuse should not feel like a taboo in society, we are a man made anomaly. A representation of human flaw, through no fault of our own.

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The Character Assassination of Foster Children: A Hidden Truth Within the UK Care System

Posted on December 29, 2024 by societyshiddensecret

By a survivor of the Bristol City Council care system (1980s–1990s)

A Silent Injustice Hidden in Plain Sight

The character assassination of foster children is one of society’s most uncomfortable secrets. It rarely enters public debate because it forces us to confront an unsettling truth. That within a system built to protect, there exists a culture of malice, denial, and erasure.

When I first read my own social care records, I noticed a disturbing pattern. The language used to describe me, from the age of just three years old, shifted from dismissive to damning as I grew older. What began as notes labelling me “a handful” soon evolved into written character attacks that obscured the reality of abuse.

How Normal Childhood Behaviour Becomes Weaponised

Descriptions in my early records portrayed normal play — running around, laughing, being boisterous — as signs of dysfunction. Foster parents who were paid large sums of money to care for children often exaggerated behaviour to appear burdened or victimised.

The state funded these placements, sometimes enough for families to renovate homes, yet failed to see the harm of pathologising ordinary childhood energy. Every “wild” moment became another justification to control, label, or silence a child in care.

When Trauma Responses Are Mislabelled as Personality Flaws

As I grew older, my behaviour changed, not because I was “difficult”, but because I was traumatised. Yet the system translated trauma into pathology. My distress became “manipulative”. My silence was “defiance”. My fear of men was “irrational”.

The same records that branded me in this way barely mentioned my direct disclosures of sexual abuse. Foster parents, social workers, and even managers dismissed them as lies, some going so far as to write those lies into permanent files.

Instead of detailed investigations, there were just biased adult opinions, missing documents, and policy breaches that stripped me of my basic rights as a looked-after child.

The Adults Who Knew — and Did Nothing

Between the ages of eight and thirteen, I was sexually abused in foster care under the supervision of Bristol City Council (formerly Avon County Council). I disclosed my abuse to multiple adults — at least two social workers, one foster parent, two older foster children, and one stranger.

Later, while reading my files as an adult, I discovered over ten professionals had either suspected or known about my abuse. None of them acted. None of them even spoke to me about it.

In 2019, more than 25 years after I aged out of care, the same manager who had overseen my case sat on the complaint panel for my abuse investigation. This is the same person responsible for the years of systemic neglect and inaction that allowed the abuse to continue.

How can a manager who failed to protect a child sit in judgment of that same survivor decades later?

The Machinery of Denial and Damage Control

In my experience, social services are structured to mitigate liability, not protect children.
When children disclose abuse, the instinct isn’t to investigate — it’s to manage. Files are sanitised. Notes are vague. Records omit crucial details that could later serve as evidence in criminal or civil cases.

This lack of documentation isn’t an accident; it’s a strategy. Police and family courts rely on social care records to assess credibility. When those records lack detail or contain bias, survivors are discredited before they even begin to speak.

As the 2022 Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse (IICSA) found, “institutional responses often prioritised reputation over the welfare of children.”¹

The Corporate Parent’s Conflict of Interest

Local authorities act as both corporate parent and legal shield. Their first obligation should be to the child, but in practice it is to their own protection.

When a local authority knows that multiple professionals failed to report or act on disclosures, that authority becomes legally vulnerable. So instead of admitting fault, they manipulate records, obscure timelines, and sometimes even keep the same staff in place for decades.

In 2020, I discovered written evidence of multiple staff knowing about my abuse — and none taking action. Those same individuals, and their managers, remain in positions of power today.

This is not child protection. This is institutional betrayal.

A System That Rewards Silence

The absence of accountability means the people who failed children still make decisions about new generations of vulnerable young people. They continue to be paid, promoted, and protected.

How does a system built to protect children justify placing multiple children with a known or suspected abuser — and then label those same children “liars”? How does it justify decades of cover-ups, while survivors are left to rebuild their lives alone?

The answer lies in one uncomfortable truth: the UK child protection system protects itself before it protects children.

Towards Transparency and Justice

If foster children are ever to be treated as equal citizens, their records must be re-examined, their voices centred, and the adults who failed them held to account.

No survivor should have to uncover decades of deceit to prove they were harmed in a system that claimed to care.

Until then, the character assassination of foster children will remain one of Britain’s darkest open secrets — a state-sponsored silencing of those it was meant to protect.

References

¹ Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse (IICSA), The Final Report, October 2022.
² Department for Education, Children Act 1989: Guidance and Regulations – Volume 2: Care Planning, Placement and Case Review, 2021 Update.

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Child Sexual Abuse, being a foster child, and Justice

Posted on December 27, 2024 by societyshiddensecret

When one thinks of CSA and Justice, they think of a criminal process of arrest, sentencing and remedy. In the world of CSA, that is anything but the truth..

In CSA there are many hurdles to get over. The first is the fact that you are a child. You may not have words or a proper understanding to explain what is happening. As a child, you can be manipulated by your abuser. People who failed in caring for you may also manipulate you. Those who suspect abuse and those who investigate abuse can do the same. The list goes on.

Once you find an avenue, it is often long after the abuse. Once you have grown up, you realize what took place is wrong. Often, social work teams do not keep proper records. These records often lack specific details that can be valuable in courts and investigations. Social care teams often hide the abuse of foster children in their care. They do this by using trauma behaviors to attack the child’s character.

Jenny is 12 years old. Jenny is lashing out in school. Jenny can be rude to social workers and staff. Plenty of records will talk about Jenny’s behavior. They will describe her character as flawed. Collective remarks will be made about Jenny being an orphan as a reason for hostility and lack of attachment. They rarely mention that Jenny was assaulted by an older peer in foster care. She did not receive the emotional support she needed. That the lack of proper attachments in the care environment, hinders growth. Which also creates reciprocated flawed attachment behaviors in looked after children. They won’t talk about Jenny’s behavior declining within foster care. Social care teams won’t be honest about foster children disclosing sexual abuse to them. Police, foster parents and social workers will call multiple children like Jenny liars, and deny them due process under legislation. Often events of abuse are by people social care teams facilitated access, either through placement, person or environment. Jenny’s hostility and rude behavior stem from her foster care abuse, and subsequent neglect in foster care. Her experiences there directly influence her actions, and the way she sees the world.

Once Jenny grows up and learns about the true injustice she faced, in protective custody as a ward of court. She encounters the police, and courts. They use descriptions of character flaws, the lack of records, and evidence in social care records. Evidence that draws attention to institutional bias, are omitted and ignored. Apologies from Local Authority social care teams, about known about sexual abuse not acted upon, is minimal within court. Which often works in social care and linked institutions favor, in terms of taking accountability and remedying girls like Jenny. Children in foster even if they are believed, and have evidence there abuse was known about for 5 years. These groups still struggle to get accountability and remedy from the social care teams who failed them. Sexually abused children in care, never get to court. Everything is done outside of court, and is covered up in every way possible. Any report that does show failures and abuse, will have confidential all over it.

In my opinion, society needs to do better. So far, there is more smoke and mirrors than real action. We need actions that produce consistent results. All the money spent on the big investigation uncovered only the abuse that was investigated in picked areas. This meant places like Bristol City were not scrutinized, and can mitigate any loss against those failures. Than build a scheme that addresses those failures, and gives an easy process for victims. From my experience, Bristol City Council facilitates abuse. Take no accountability in any shape or form, unless forced to do so. Then, apologies are followed by legal denials.

Note* Jenny is a hypothetical name!

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Over-Stimulation, trauma and finding me time.

Posted on November 3, 2024 by societyshiddensecret

In my lived experience of recovering from childhood trauma. Learning to regularize time set specially for myself, was and is important. Otherwise, it can be quite easy to forget about my own needs. I will notice my well-being and physical health dipping. It can become hard to focus, and get anything practical done.

Trauma causes the mind to work much harder than one without trauma. While other minds are resting, people with trauma often avoid triggers, and unwanted thoughts about trauma. Which can automatically lead to flight, fight or freeze responses in the body. These can be worse if the people who caused harm are still around, and or there was no justice. It can cause feelings of over-stimulation, which causes exhaustion.

I found that a spa visits helped me relax, after the first one, where i had the giggles. Massage therapy treatments within the spa facilities also helped to calm my body, and ease fatigued muscles. I never thought I would ever like massages. I do not like being touched much at all. Nonetheless, massages have been a blessing in disguise. I would highly recommend trying a spa day, sauna and massage treatments if you have trauma.

The treatments I usually go for are full body massages, which include your shoulders, neck, and back. With either your legs & feet or arms & hands. I also have had the head massages, which are good for headaches, and tension build up. I have had one facial, but i find the earlier mentioned treatments more beneficial for my trauma symptoms. Though a head massage can help with tension and stress built up in the head. Honestly when I had my first massage, I realized how much bodily tension I had. I totally recommend trying one for trauma or stress tensions.

I also like having therapy, I find it helps with racing thoughts and daily triggers. As I get to speak about it in detail to my therapist, rather than hold it in my brain. My therapist understands trauma, so I can focus on healing, and gaining understanding, from a specialist. Which helps with managing the healing, and impacts of abuse.

It did take a long time to find my therapist. I am dreading the day I have to find a new one, as therapy does not last forever. For me having therapy is an important part of my life, because I need the outside me space.

Finally I love to plant and grow flowers and vegetables. I find it relaxing and it also gives me time. The solitude and relaxing nature of gardening, eases racing thoughts. It also gives you something beautiful back in the summer and throughout the warmer months that you can enjoy. Something that shows the beauty in a world, when it can seem full of trauma and disappointment. Its a partnership that always is graceful and fruitful.

What is your special way of spending recovery me time? What things do you do to help your body & mind relax?

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